Validating conflict avoiding and volatile
) and in my still present childhood coping method I was doing everything I could not to face those suspicions.
The truth is that I was putting a ton of work into relationships with people that I knew deep down would dump me if I stood up to them and that was a horrifying realization.
When the mood shifted from normal to tense, I was quick to notice it and quick to try to set things right.
My mom called me “the little peacemaker.” When things did get tense or volatile in my household, I felt overwhelmed with the intensity of the negative emotions whirling around me.
Very often it was the reaction to the realization that sent me backwards to the comfortable and familiar coping methods of compliance and obedience that no longer served me.
~As I began to realize that maybe I was not the biggest problem in the relationship and that perhaps there was something valid about my suspicions (labeled by others as feelings that were probably wrong) that I was always being ignored, shut up, discounted invalidated and disrespected ~ ~THEN I started to consider that perhaps I was spending too much time on thinking about how I could change me (believing that changing me would change the way they treated me) instead of thinking a bit more about the lack of equal value towards me and I started looking a little more closely at why I didn’t stand up to the ways that I was treated in a more proactive way. As soon as I seriously considered drawing a boundary, my ultimate fear of being cast away from my family without further consideration became what made me reject the thought about drawing that boundary.
I got my feelings hurt easily and was thrown off-balance when someone would say something biting to me.
An air observation expert writes: "Mike, I have come to the conclusion that a lot of technology developed for Vietnam that came into being about 1969-70 and was shelved was some good stuff for the kind of war we are involved in now.An Army tanker officer and private pilot reports: "In all but special cases lightweight manned aircraft like the folding-wing CH701 or CH801 with a diesel (JP8) burning engine are better.Because of modern reconnaissance and surveillance equipment mounted in pods one fellow can stay above 7,500 feet (Max effective range of a 12.7mm heavy machine gun and do a darn fine job of direct observation while transmitting real time data to ground troops and commanders.It made me extremely anxious, and if I couldn't do anything to make things right again, I'd find a way to escape — through books or play or spending time with a friend.If any of that tension or anger were specifically directed at me, I was quick to change my behavior or apologize in order to regain emotional equilibrium.
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Big problem is we have "computer fever" and a "UAV mind set" in the war rooms.